Friday, 28 October 2011

Shattered Dreams.

Shattered Dreams.

Nightmares. That’s what I am going through. As I a matter of a fact I am not like Harry Potter when I am having this kind of dreams. I don’t moan or struggle, instead I keep still and don’t even move. How do I say so? Well, maybe because my last position when I slept was also the one whenever I wake up. I am worried with my condition because I dreamed badly in two consecutive sleeps. But sometimes if I am lucky I had a clueless dream, somewhat like I had a dream but I forgot it, on the other hand I also have some very clear detailed dream which I can tell who are the characters, where am I and I really know what was done after I woke. They say dreams has a meaning, others say “it’s the other way around” and others also say “it’s a vision, a future” or whatever. I have different nightmares, some are imaginations I read from a book, some came out of nowhere, and others related from what I did on the previous day and in the present. But there’s one thing I am sure, I’m afraid of having nightmares again.

I am preparing to sleep again, a cold night so I am wrapping up with my thick cotton blanket while listening to the radio humming a little tune. My mom get annoyed and shut me up, maybe she was irritated about my humming but I get frustrated with her striped red and white high socks. “Well, it’s cold,” I think. I fell asleep sideways staring at my mom who also slept sideways. I wake up, still in my sleeping position, I also saw mom but when I tried to move, my limbs and arms are immobile. I struggle, I am panicking but no word came out of my mouth, I want to shout to mom until my lungs gets out but I was  nothing. I just stared at my mother and I don’t know if I fall asleep again or get consciousness. Alas, neither of the two. I’m still in a dream, second dream from a dream. Maybe it’s to complicated but its true, I felt it, it happened three times. The door suddenly swing widely open, I saw a tree; an old tree. Thought that I wake up, but then again, still in a dream. Until finally I got my consciousness, I felt like iced cold, I tried to be brave and not to cry. I immediately go and climb to mom’s bed clumsily causing her to wake. I told her I had a nightmare and I requested to have a switch bed, she’s in the bed with my sister. I just need accompany to lessen my terror. So I slept again and fortunately I had a good dream. A celebrity.

It’s afternoon when I got home from school. I have to review because we are going to have our midterm exam in management tomorrow. I slumped onto my bed and hold the notebook and other resource papers. I read it and memorize it, understanding and remembering the keywords. Until I doze to sleep holding my notebook.  I had a dream again. I don’t know if that was credited as a nightmare but I am really bothered, so much than you think right now. Here it goes.  A friend of my mom came to our house but mom is not home that time so I welcome her but I didn’t know that she knew our neighbor, so this neighbor of mine drag me somewhere with mom’s friend. Holding their babies they brought me to a church. A very super familiar church. Why? Because I saw it in one of my dreams before. It was full detailed, from the saints, to the podiums and the golden altar. I saw the priest and the acolytes, they also familiar because they are in my real world. My companions vanished and something caught my eye. I saw my sister doing something with the fire, I try to get to her but someone blocked me. A dark guy, an acolyte. His dark eyes locked on mine and so am I. His  spotless appearance, his dark hair neatly set, his height taller than mine and his face, still clear in my mind then I brushed my head.  I got frustrated, I also saw this guy before, in one of my dreams but not in this church but somewhere, somewhere I don’t know. Then, suddenly I woke up, still holding my notebook it’s nearly late night. I managed to eat dinner, read a book and get some listening before going to sleep gain.

My last and worst dream as of now. It happened this afternoon when I ran off to bed and had some nap. I am in a big house, I beautiful house. I think I am in a vacation. But surprisingly I saw Remus Lupin, a character in Harry Potter. I don’t know why he appear in my dream because I read Harry Potter last week. Then, I saw a good car, an attractive car. It was white, has a side mirror like in the motorcycles. I ride it in it, it felt like good. But suddenly I felt strange, the car shake and slowly turn upside down, I try to call on to Remus many times before he responded, because he talk to someone while in the front door. I panicked. I saw my reflection on the side mirror and rear view then it turned to a woman look like Bellatrix Lestrange but she looked like worse. I don’t want to remember her face but unfortunately it was clearly etched on my mind just like the boy’s. I was very very scared. I never get scared like that  in my lifetime so when I broke from the nightmare I stood and half walk half run from the house. It was a bad experience.

So these are my dreams. Categorized as scary, unexplainable and bloodcurdling, in one word “extraordinary.” Having this kind of things tucked in my mind drives me mad. When I wake up in this nightmares there is something or maybe someone who forcefully drags me to sleep. I always fight my self not to sleep again and fortunately I break out from it.  I have to tell or share to someone, so maybe this is the best way to share it. Sometimes I am very afraid to sleep because I am worried that this things can visit me anytime if they want, so what I always do is pray and pray. I know that He is there with me, the one who always wakes me up if I am in bad dream. Well that’s for now, Goodbye!             

Friday, 21 October 2011


What is a church? Well, typically a man would likely say that this place is solem, holy and a place to worship. People nowadays is very pressured to be successful in life. We are eager to outstand from others and weaken them. Maybe it hurts to here this but this is the truth. Upon achieving this dreams, spritual aspect loose its attention. But most of the Filipinos, maybe, for me, are out of this. Faithfulness is a very big deal.
Our little community, maybe, is a very good example. We a had a very small chapel, way back two to three years ago. The chapel only held a mass for especial occasions like Christmas, New year, etc. So the officials bought a new lot and bulid a new church. Though it is not finish yet, people use to go there to attend mass and a very generous Priest use to go there every Sunday morning to hold a community mass because the church haven’t get any resident priest. Even though the cruch is not very big to accomodate more than one hundred people because of the rickety chairs from the previous chapel, people of our community patiently stand until the mass ended. I realized how religous Filipinos are. I feel really glad to see them exert an effort to have more faith to God. Having a strong faith to God affects tradition, culture and values. A very good example  is the “Misa de Gallo” held every sixteenth night of december until christmas eve.  Even though not obligde, people use to go in the church in late evenings just to worship and praise the Lord, and in return their wish would be granted if they competed the nine nights in a row which is generally part of our culture. I am overwhelmthat Filipinos has a great faith to the Lord through thick and thin.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Waiting for Death to Come.

I’ve been in so many theme parks before but I can say that my last visit from the other was the worst as of now. I really did enjoy the first few rides but when my friends decided to ride the rollercoaster it was somehow a bit odd. I don’t know maybe I was traumatized by the last ride we rode on, but I felt excitement too, at first. So I joined them definitely, because I don’t want to be a “kill joy.” As we go and take into line I slowly feel nervous. I keep on imagining things that I will feel when I am right there in the moment maybe because what I felt on the previous rides. Maybe surely I will scream madly because of mixed emotions. I also hear people say “please tell or text my parents that I love them so much.” Hearing these things makes me feel more nervous, so I also tell to my friends that, “please tell to my parents that I love them very much,”and every scream drives my heart pump wildly, it’s like my heart wants to break my rib bones. One of my friends asks me if I am nervous because I am so quite all the time. Without any doubt I said yes, I thought they were nervous too, but when I found out, unfortunately, I am the only one. As we move toward the platform I feel dizzy, and I think I am having nausea and my sight blurs I thought I will fall off.
Upon thinking this nonsense, I realized something that gains worth. That’s when I thought about the people in the death row or we can say those who suffer and waiting to face their death. You can’t do anything, just wait, while you are madly thinking about your family; how they will live without you, friends who are waiting for you. My point in here is how painful waiting for death is. Yes, I say most of deaths is very painful but for those people who are waiting and very aware of their death; the date, the time, the place where it will be done, and your fears. It will blow you away. If you place yourself to their situation, maybe you’ll think also the same way. I felt that kind of fear too, but I thought what I felt on the theme park was only a very small kind of terror they are feeling right now. So hear I am telling this to you. Let us appreciate life and don’t dump it just like that. For every nation, state or place having this kind of law or principle I am persuading you to stop this because we don’t know the family where this people belong, maybe they did a wrong thing but let us also remember the good things they’ve done. And finally for those people who are in this kind of situation my prayers are all with you. Don’t loose hope and trust our dear Lord, Jesus Christ.
     Finally I sat on the roller coaster, the keeper locked my sit and my chest was over sealed and I can’t breathe because of fear, anxiousness and everything. I tried to back off but the keeper told me that it’s too late, the sit was locked and I have no choice, I rode the roller coaster screaming that I will take my revenge to that silly keeper and cried hardly in the end.